Real Estate Jokes Humor and Satire2008-09-05T21:12:21ZNational Realtors Directory rj@nationalrealtorsdirectory.comCopyright 2008, National Realtors Directory rj@nationalrealtorsdirectory.comSPHPBLOGReal Estate Quickies #3 If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.
My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.
If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.
This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.
The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080524-2047092008-05-25T00:00:00Z2008-05-25T00:00:00ZWhat Is The Catch? “Well,” says the Real Estate Agent, “what do I have to do in return?”
The Devil smiles, “Well, of course you have to give me your soul,” he says, “but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”
“Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously, “What’s the catch?” ]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080512-2039082008-05-13T00:00:00Z2008-05-13T00:00:00ZReal Estate Quickies #2(A) You should shoot the realtor twice… Just to be sure.
Sign next to FSBO: We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.
Two Realtors Talking: My buyers want a new home on the outskirts. -of their income, that is.
Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.
My real estate agent was always smiling. I didn’t think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.
My realtor sold me a two story house- one story before the sale, another after.]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080505-2130252008-05-06T00:00:00Z2008-05-06T00:00:00ZKiss Me One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman said, “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a real estate broker!”
The second woman replied, “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a real estate broker!” ]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080425-2127582008-04-26T00:00:00Z2008-04-26T00:00:00ZSigns He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.'
The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE' ]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080404-2110592008-04-05T00:00:00Z2008-04-05T00:00:00ZReal Estate QuickiesA: There hasn't been any maintenance in the last 10 years.
The home buyer thinking of the real estate agent: I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a shark.
Q: When is a one-story house a two-story house? A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after.
This house is 5 minutes from shopping ... if you have an airplane.
Q: How close was the house for sale to water? A: In the basement.
By the time you pay off a house in the suburbs, it isn't.
Q: What is a house-warming party? A: The final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present.
Your home feels like a castle... when you pay the taxes.
Q: How long is a temporary mortgage? A: Until the bank forecloses.
What destroys people and leaves buildings intact, that isn't a neutron bomb. It's called a mortgage.]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080321-1535472008-03-21T00:00:00Z2008-03-21T00:00:00ZNot A Quitter"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every real estate office."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the broker, "there's not much positive in that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080313-2359362008-03-14T00:00:00Z2008-03-14T00:00:00ZUnder Water “That customer's going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”
“Money back?” roared the boss. “What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080306-2207402008-03-07T00:00:00Z2008-03-07T00:00:00ZFantastic Deal They say to lady who answers we saw your ad, and realize it is a misprint correct. She tells them no it's not & you are actually the first ones to call.
They decide to go look at the house. They race over as fast as they can. They pull up to the most beautiful house on the block.
In front of the house is a fountain that cost at least $30,000. They ring the door bell & the lady answers. She starts showing them the house. They realize this house is over 5000 sq ft and it is obvious that expense was not a problem in building this house. The house had marble imported from Italy & a chandelier imported from France. The landscaping was breath taking & the house had a great pool & a nice tennis court.
The couple said to the lady this is the most beautiful house we have ever seen, what's the catch?
The lady assured the couple there was no catch. The couple wanted the house for $1,000 but was leery of doing the deal. Finally the lady said you seem like a nice couple, so I'll let you know the truth.
She told them this house is completely paid for, and not a penny is owed against it. Well, last week I got a call from my Husband. He informed me he is leaving me for his secretary. He then told me I could have everything we own as long as he could have the proceeds off the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he & his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean?]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080303-2212452008-03-04T00:00:00Z2008-03-04T00:00:00ZWrong Flowers They arrived at the home and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace".
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new home".]]>http://realestatejokes.nationalrealtorsdirectory.com/index.php?entry=entry080228-2002502008-02-29T00:00:00Z2008-02-29T00:00:00Z