The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

My buyers went through debt consolidation. Now they have only one bill they won't pay.

If you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

This country is great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

The Devil tells a Real Estate Agent, “Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any Real Estate Agent alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest agent that ever lived.”

“Well,” says the Real Estate Agent, “what do I have to do in return?”

The Devil smiles, “Well, of course you have to give me your soul,” he says, “but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children’s children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity.”

“Wait a minute,” the Real Estate Agent says cautiously, “What’s the catch?”

Q) There is a Used Car Salesman, a Realtor and a Lawyer. And you have a gun with two bullets… Which should you shoot?
(A) You should shoot the realtor twice… Just to be sure.

Sign next to FSBO: We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

Two Realtors Talking: My buyers want a new home on the outskirts. -of their income, that is.

Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.

My real estate agent was always smiling. I didn’t think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

My realtor sold me a two story house- one story before the sale, another after.

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: “Help me, ladies! I am a real estate broker who, through a curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman said, “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a real estate broker!”

The second woman replied, “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a real estate broker!”

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.'

The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'